Monday and Monday

So Monday I met with my therapist, we’re starting EMDR therapy (finally) and one of the first steps is to implant a safe place or memory for me to regain my calm in stressful situations. She gave me the task of choosing a memory of a place or time when I felt calm and was completely alone prior to this last session. I had plenty to chose from but in the end I opted for a memory of paddling up an Alaska fjord in the summer time; at the point when I can see the foot of the glacier that carved the place but not so close that I’m in danger of being crushed by calving icebergs.

We did the eye movement thing and at first it was hard for me to hold that image in my mind. Eventually though it was almost like having a very vivid dream or recollection. I could almost hear the sound of the water calmly lapping at the sides of my little kayak, feel the cool, moist air in my nostrils, and taste the salt on the atmosphere.

Yesterday afternoon I had a very bad headache and lots of memory problems. Eventually I got an opportunity to descend into the man cave, there I turned off the lights, turned down all the blinds and closed doors and sat at my desk. I used this image for a long time, and I had to move my eyes back and forth very slowly for a while too, but eventually, as the night came on outside and things started to cool down I got back to calm.

Today I’m really starting to feel the same way, I’ll take my medication in a bit and by five or so I’ll have a splitting headache, memory issues and maybe some dizziness. I’m going to try to head this bit off at the pass I think using the EMDR technique. Wish me luck.