How Can I Remember This?

Today was a tough one.  I decided that the house had been spot cleaned long enough and I started the morning pulling things out and cleaning top to bottom on the middle floor.  The refrigerator came out of its niche and so did a tremendous pile of dust, cracker parts, a pen and many other unmemorable things.  The stove/oven came out of the cabinets and so did a pile of lost toys, three raspberries (I think) and of course crackers and dust.  The washer and dryer combo came out too.  I doubt that the thing has been moved since it was installed.  There were things behind it left by the former tenants.

The cleaning went on all morning, I tried to include Aral in as much of it as I could get away with.  And most of the morning this was a huge success.  At one point Tess sent me a text

U guys ok down there? I don’t hear a peep out of Aral

The Daddy-Mommy Mojo was flowing today, however, this was not the problem. I took my medication on time, and this was not the problem.

The problem was I started the morning feeling a little dizzy. Every time I stood up I had an intense head rush and came pretty close to passing out a couple of times. Sometimes the rushes seemed to affect my limbs leaving me with a detached, numbness or tingly sensation in my hands, arms and legs. The head ache, which had thankfully gone and visited someone else for a while, returned and took sweet pleasure pounding my brain all day. I was forgetting things, I mean really obvious things; I don’t know how many times I started scrubbing something and then realized I wasn’t scrubbing and I couldn’t remember what it was I doing at that moment. By this afternoon I was getting auras. Sheesh! One step forward, two steps back.

The bike ride with Aral this afternoon did me a world of good, but still I’m having “symptoms” this evening. Of what no one is really sure, they still keep popping out of the wood work followed by un-apologetically kicking my ass. Honestly, this is bothersome. The medication seems to work some of the time, after the three o’clock dose I was doing okay for a while … then crash!

I’ve just started crying more times than I care to count today and often I can’t even fathom why.

Right now I’ve descended into the workshop, turned off all the lights save this laptop and I think the only thing that might make this a little better is if I could pull my brain out of my skull just for a little bit in order to rest the rest of me. Meditation and EMDR techniques aren’t working at all, the headache just seems to wash those attempts away.

I did come across a pretty important quote, something that should help if I can remember it.

Run from what’s comfortable. Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.
~ Rumi

I need to take the dogs out for their evening walk and feed them. I’m contemplating getting some tools out and working on the velo a bit more, but that may just be too much. And I’ve toyed with the idea of researching information about some of the implants in my foot or hips. I know it occurred to me (because I wrote it down) that the Mitek anchors in particular might be a more proximate cause of my problems. I don’t really know what they’re made out of, I have no idea how long they were designed to last, and I’m not sure that they’re not leaching some heavy metal from an alloy or other substance into my body. Probably worth a looksey don’t you think? Well, even if you don’t think its a good idea, I do and if not tonight then soon. I wrote it down so I’ll remember it.

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