After the Blue’s Clues post I resolved to do my best to go back (to 2009). There are a bunch of changes being made in my life right now. I’ve once again given up animal protein and as I’ve worked it out of my system some components are once again working a little better.
I’ve been digging deeper into both meditation and Buddhist practices. I’m not very good at or knowledgeable of either, but the more I read and learn (even though I still forget plenty) the more I can see how this may help me moderate some of the highs and lows I’ve experienced over the last year or so. Perhaps more importantly, I’m building a part of myself that has largely been neglected for ages.
This resolve also includes some health goals with a physical component, mental strength building exercise, and self-discipline. I’ve decided to start running again, sort of like I did in ’09 but without working toward a milage goal for the WTA. Instead my goal is to be able to run 100 miles again sometime around the middle of the year.
Running, specifically trail running, has been my outlet, my practice, my sanctuary, and my passion for a long time. When I lost the ability to do it in the past it devastated me. So maybe there’s a little of that going on right now. I think it would be good for me to jump up and smack some wilderness signs once again.
Physically, this is great for me too. First, I’ll have a reason for all the weight loss (ha ha). Second, because I’ll start to self regulate for sleep again — no more insomnia and no threat of sleep medication. Finally, because running people live longer and who knows what all the other medications might be doing to me right now.
While its still deep snow and winter conditions I plan on using my XC and AT skis plenty, but that’s just gear that allows you to run on the snow. And as I did in ’09 I’m extending the invitation to anyone who’s interested, come run with me! The weekday outings will probably include Aral, and the weekend long runs I’ll probably be very lonely. My target pace for the next 26 weeks is 10 minute miles on short days to 12 on long, but I’ll happily kick my own ass if you run faster or slow down to accommodate if you’re not up to that range.
And don’t worry, the meds are working. Now that I’ve reduced the wellbutrin to nil my seizure threshold is much higher. I’ve even been given permission to drive again.