A Kludge, Fully

Fast and furious followed by complete silence. The kind of silence you’d only find at the bottom of a dark and deep cave. Yeah, that’s how things have been around these parts since I’ve had to turn my laptop, a highly portable writing utility, into a desk potato.

The top row of keys on my laptop’s keyboard (the one built into the computer) stopped working. I tried troubleshooting using a shop and their solution was to replace the whole upper deck of my computer (late 2013). Not just the keyboard. Not clean out the notoriously dirty and potentially clogged fans or ventilation passages. Just the whole top deck. A >$800 part apparently¬†so capricious in repair that they couldn’t even give me an exact estimate.

So yeah, there’s no way I’m going to do that. I bought a $20 USB keyboard and began to learn how to use a ‘desktop’ productively for the second time in my life.

Okay, so then July happens. The ‘E’ key (third from the left in the top row on most laptops) apparently becomes stuck. I take the whole key apart all the while mumbling something like “I thought you were busted? Why can’t you remain busted?” After hours of looking for any reason the ‘E’ would show up as depressed every 1.5 seconds I give up on repairing the borked keyboard. “I’m going to pull the case and disconnect the keyboard.”

Easy enough right? I’ve invested in a pentalobe screwdriver specially built for this specific purpose and I can nudge connectors with the best of them. So I turn it off, disconnect the power supply and begin surgery. It’s delicate work, like microscopic knitting for a ham-handed lout, but I persevere. When completed, I reassemble my increasingly Frankenstined MacBook Pro, open it and press … the … power … button … on … the … keyboard.

“Oh, good grief!” Hands involuntarily covers my eyes

It’s a wonder I didn’t transform it into a frisbee and chuck through a window in that moment.

Second surgery:

  • Step 1: Open Laptop
  • Step 2: Attach keyboard
  • Step 3: Take deep, cleansing breath and pray to various electronically¬†inclined¬†deities
  • Step 4: Power on computer
  • Step 5: Detach keyboard
  • Step 6: Reassemble computer

The words are still happening, just slowly.