First let me start this post by saying that I’m over being a Prune. Much more fun to be a Plumb.
Next up, I’ve been on the new medication for two weeks now. There are good bits and bad bits to this, but fortunately for me, the good seems to be heavier than the bad.
- I generally have more energy than I did on the Keppra. This is a huge win for me since I’ve been picking up more of the child and household duties lately. When I drag ass, its horribly apparent to me.
- I’ve actually been seen smiling lately. Again a huge win for me, before I couldn’t muster the moxie or whatever to do much more than quietly observe regardless of any situation’s impact on me.
- Fewer incidents of dizziness and shaking. I’m mostly free of this one, stressful situations (like the one described in Being a Prune) pretty quickly send me over that edge however, so I have to be careful what stress and anxiety I allow into my world.
- Fewer seizures. I’ve only had one in the last three weeks. I still get the auras when one is coming on, but sometimes that’s all it is. Also, anxiety dreams have been the cause more often than not of auras and the last seizure I had. No control over this one, but at least its convenient in the middle of the night.
- Better cognition. This one is my favorite because it means that I don’t feel like a fool all the time. I’m still apt to forgetting things, but thinking doesn’t feel like a huge, dirty chore any more. Routine is certainly my friend here, and I’ve established a pretty good one (even going so far as to schedule what I clean when and the menu).
- Insomnia: Wow-wee, sometimes I cannot go to sleep. In fact I’ve been dead tired and laid in bed for hours. Tried melatonin and valerian and eventually they help, but since I upped the dose in particular my nights are a little longer.
- Fidgety when there’s nothing to do: Thanks to my team at Microsoft for the bonsai tree (little California Juniper) because its been very helpful filling some of the down time. Aral goes down for a nap, for instance, and if I’ve got nothing to clean or errands to run, I’m kind of uncomfortable in my skin. Hands don’t rest well, that kind of thing. I’ve been looking for things like the bonsai and working on my bike to fill time like this and that helps me cope.
- Still Anger Quickly: Justified or not (see Being a Prune) I know I’m too quick to anger. I don’t really know if this is a side effect of the medication or not, but its certainly not helping me cope with anger and frustration. Or maybe it is; I did walk away from that hoser in the Dodge.
If I put all these things on a scale in my mind I do think I’m way better off than when all this started. Maybe even better off than before the seizures. So therapy and treatment is not a huge fail, its more of a gradual success. I have to remember to smell, in our case in Gunnison, the lilacs when they’re in bloom.